8.12.2002

In a recent post, Leno queries: “Perhaps the TCT has been defeated?” Not quite. I’ve got bigger fish than you to fry Girica.

He goes on to exclaim: “Can it be!!!! It seems that the curious tamburas has wrapped his guitar or sometimes brac strap between his legs and ran for the hills. Where is he? No smart ass comments to spew cava out of my mouth anymore...hmmm...mozda je na vacation. We'll see as Ganza gets closer if he appears.”

Hey, if Davey can get away with posting the “Word of the Day” once a month, and Arby his “mp3 of the Day” once a month, and King Delmar his “Artist of the Month” once a year, and Kirin whenever the planets are correctly aligned in the sky, then I figure I can get away with posting whenever I think that someone will “really believe the shit that comes out of my mouth”.

And to answer the hypothesis of the mala Girica, I offer this column: “What I did on my summer vacation”.

In response to Kirin, when he asks “O Curious one, Gdje si bio?” TCT says: “I’ve been to Canada to see the Jr. Tamburitza Festival”. And after reading his column, I’ve got to say, you’ve got to be Joekirinaround.

JKA seems to be so busy kissing people’s asses that he’s missed some things. Now, I don’t want to be negative here, (you know I’d never do that) but in the interest of the unbiased journalism that I’ve promised to my many readers, I feel I must report on some of the more memorable moments at the Jr. Festival (and getting there).

My weekend started off by spending 2 hours at the U.S. / Canadian border. As I sat there in traffic, I thought to myself, “Who the hell in their right mind would wait 2 hours to get into Canada?” Then, after I related to the Royal Dis-Mounties that I was joining a couple of thousand immigrants from the former Yugoslavia, and another 4 hours enduring intense interrogatories such as, “Why are you really entering our home and native land, eh?” and basprim cavity searches to determine if I was carrying any “kontra-band” I was allowed to cross into the Great White North.

Then as I arrived at the Sheraton Center Hotel, I found out that it would cost $28 a day to park my car a kilometer away and more if I wanted to actually drive it around the beautifully clean city of Toronto. Oops, I almost forgot to mention that the refuse workers in the city were on strike, so the streets and sidewalks were littered with everything from newspapers and rotting food to rotting humans. Well, I’m not sure that the humans were rotting, but some of them smelled like it.

Then, there’s the hotel. Some members of TCT’s entourage wound up sleeping on cots and I can’t begin to sing the praises of the wonderful underground mall where none of the stores are ever open.

Of course, all of those minor inconveniences were overshadowed by the performance of the superb sound and stage crew provided by the hotel. Let’s not get picky about the fact that the stage apparently was not finished being built before the Juniors had to perform on it.

But I’ve got to say that the highlight was at the after party. Imagine my excitement hearing the tambura “all stars” while at the same time witnessing a young girl throwing up in her lap.

I wonder if Fricijo has any pictures of that.

The Curiously Queasy Tamburas

7.2.2002

Who are Boduli and how did they get tied up with JoeLeno?

In my never-ending quest to research the etiology of tambura band names, I have, once again, struck gold. After many long minutes of research, I have answered the question that I know is burning in the minds of the visitors to this web site: “Who are Boduli and just how did they get tied up with JoeLeno?”

Following the lead of the master of Croatian genealogy, Eck Spahich, I traced the roots of the relationship back in a logical, although, at the same time, familial fashion. As such, I have determined how Boduli, which is Croatian for Islanders, have developed their kinship with the infamous JoeLeno.

Through intense indoctrination (undoubtedly under the influence of vino i pivo), and numerous mutations of the band name, Leno has convinced the band that they actually belong to him; hence he has become their manager/promoter.

To do this, Leno employed a Croatian to Spanish dictionary. The word Islanders in Spanish is Isleños. Therefore, the entry in the Croatian-Spanish dictionary would be expressed as Boduli – Isleños. Of course, no one in the United States, outside of the Hispanic community, realizes that the n with the tilde (ñ) is pronounced just as the ‘nj’ in Croatian. So the entry became Boduli – Islenos. Leno also convinced the band that the definition was somehow run together in the printing process and really should be expressed as: Boduli – Is Leno’s.

Of course, I have totally discounted the fact the Leno shares parentage with the primas of the band.

Boduli should have a great time in New Orleans where they can meet other Isleños who had settled throughout the city. For the full story (or is it the fool story?), check out this link:

http://www.neworleansonline.com/neworleans/multicultural/islenos.html

where you will also see a picture of Mr. and Mrs. Leno on their 25th anniversary (courtesy of the wonderful technology of age progression photography applied to their wedding photo).

Stay tuned for more information about the Extravaganza in upcoming columns, including TCT’s 2002 Big Easy Extravaganza Predictions.

The Genealogical Forensic Tamburas

6.12.2002

Things I Think I Think

I think that Vjeko should be congratulated by TCT because Oliver has chosen to record one of his songs.

I think that Vjeko should write a song for TCT because I congratulated him.

I think that Vjeko should subscribe to the I’m OK – U’re OK principle (I’m On Kontra – U’re Only getting Kontra) for Oliver’s album. If he doesn’t agree, tell Oliver to find a new song writer.

I think that JoeLeno should be congratulated on his nuptials this past weekend. See Leno, I'm not all bad.

I think that JoeLeno should have exclusive use of the Sunglasses emoticon in Tamburaland. Don’t you?

I think that Brajon should buy a new pair of sunglasses. Or somebody should buy them for him.

I also think that Brajon should consider NOT auditioning as one of the Fantanas. Just the thought of an orange jelly bean in his navel is really scaring me (or is it scarring me?)

I think that Sima Jovanovac looks like Hitler’s brother in JLo’s Brodfest pictures.

I think that Joekirinaround should be arrested (for obvious reasons, too). I have filed a formal complaint with Egalitarian Audacious Trust and Society to Help Prevent Emasculating Krave. (E.A.T. S.H.P.E.K.) Krave with horns are quite rare and I think they should be protected.

The Philosophical, Yet Always Curious Tamburas

6.3.2002

TCT Has Seen The Light
Kontra-ry to popular belief, The Curious Tamburas is not "The Anti-Tamburas" (like The Anti-Christ in biblical references).

In a posting on April 22, 2002 Anno Domini, Hrvoje challenged/scolded me about statements I had made with regards to replacing the kontra with drums. In a quote from his post, the young rhythmist says: “I .. want to say that if someone thinks that tambura music isn't profitable, popular and I don't know what else, he/she is free to throw away his/her prim/basprim/kontra/bas/celo and take some other instrument and start an electric band. No problem there, but don't mess up our tambura music we play, enjoy and love just for the sake of a few extra kunas/euros/dollars you'll earn if you add drums to songs on your next album.”

Hrvoje warned: “Don't sell tambura like Judas sold Jesus Christ for thirty pieces of silver.”

“This is heavy shit”, I thought! Being the spiritual individual that I am, TCT reflected on this warning. It had troubled my tambura soul. And, not being the hanging kind, I decided to make the long journey to the shrine to American Tamburadom in Cokeburg, Pennsylvania. I had heard that the Grand Master of Tambura, Jerry Grcevich himself, had performed there many times, as well as tamburasi from all over the world. Just in recent history, the likes of Slavonski Becari, Hranscanski Cestitari, Bogdan, Skoro (no, not Skaro), Kico, other Croatian tambura notables, Canadians, such as Ambassadori and many American Tamburica Orchestras had graced the stage with their presence. And the walls of this historic and venerated site had captured the sounds of their sweet strings and voices within - for posterity - forever. I just knew that I would find inspiration there.

As a pilgrim, for forty days and forty nights, I refrained from listening to anything that was not, (according to orthodox tambura dogma) strictly acoustic tambura (you know, prim/basprim/kontra/bas/celo). Oh, I was tempted to listen to tambura music that had added non-tambura instrumentation, and often – by (you know) the Anti-Tamburas himself. He also tried to lure me into “Rock” Tambura with promises of appearances at Brodfest, Split, HRF, MIK, and Arenafest among others. All I had to do was sell my tambura soul. I knew those were empty promises – no one from North America ever appeared at those festivals. So, I scoured the Tamburaland web site for tambura listening recommendations and found many good ones, although I also found some not-so-good ones. I also found that I felt mysteriously “linked” to someplace called Finally Tuned where, it seemed, I heard voices of Seraphim (and perhaps other angels such as Cherubim, Thrones and Dominions). I found that site particularly inspiring when I knew I had hit “rock” bottom. And during this time I ate only sira, putra, vrhnja, mleka, jajca i krumpira, jajca i krumpira, jajca i krumpira. (You can imagine that I was getting pretty sick of eggs and potatoes). Of course, I did wash it down with an occasional sljivovica. (Man does not live by jajca i krumpira alone.)

On about day 30, I began experiencing a regular pounding in my chest, followed by a rather dull thumping in my head. The thumping seemed to be unnatural as it was somehow an afterthought to the pounding in my chest. I could explain the pounding in my chest as my heart beating, but what was this strange offbeat thumping in my head? I also remember a faint utterance resonating from somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind. It sounded something like “high sign”. I was sure that I was hallucinating – both from sleep depravation and a high cholesterol count (it couldn’t have been the sljivovica) - or was this was a significant evocation coming from a divine source?

Remaining true to the pilgrimage, I immersed myself in meditation. As this constant din in my head continued, I also seemed to be developing the nervous habit of tapping my foot on the floor. But, somehow, I could never catch a beat - I always seemed to be off. I began to think that I was “marching to the beat of a different drummer”, as they say. I prayed that somehow I could understand the meaning of the recurring words that I had begun mouthing – “high sign”. What did those words mean? I kept repeating them over and over again. “High Sign, High sign, Highsign, Hajsign, Hajsajn, Hajsan, HAJSAN. Yes, that was it. The words were not High Sign, but the word was Hajsan, and it wasn’t a word, it was a name – Ivica Hajsan. I remembered reading about how Ivica Hajsan had formed a popular music band shortly after he arrived in Canada in 1974. About how he had joined Folklore Ensemble Hrvatska Mississauga in 1990. Went on tour with them to Croatia in the summer of 1990 and found that there was a big audience for "Narodne Pjesme". In 1992, he also joined a group called "Sveti Juraj" located in Hamilton, Ontario. And how Ivica Hajsan has become “One of the best Croatian music artists in the Diaspora”. (Direct quote from his web site.) It wasn’t zabavna muzika, it wasn’t drums and guitars, it was tambura music, with bisernica, basprim, celo, berde, and yes, KONTRA !

It was at this time, yes on day forty, that I had my tambu-religious experience and became a Reborn Tamburas. I had accepted KONTRA as my personal rhythm instrument. It was an epiphany. KONTRA, KONTRA, SWEET KONTRA. The years of kontra-denial were washed away in a flood of “krv i suze”. KONTRA, KONTRA KONTRA, I just couldn’t hear enough of it – KONTRA. Not just the word KONTRA, but, the beautiful musical instrument – KONTRA.

All I can say is PK, PK, PK (no, not Prljavo Kazaliste) Praise Kontra and PTL (Praise TamburaLand).

The Curious Reborn Tamburas

5.24.2002

TCT Loose Ends

Unanswered Emails: In an email to TCT, Joe Gornick asks “A question for the wise one of all things tambura”..: Have you ever played "Hora Staccato" or "Monti's Csardas" on the banjo?

TCT Answers: I have played the reggae vocal legend Horace Andy and the tambura legend Horace Mamula, but I have never played Horace Taccato. (By the way, isn’t Horace Tacato the new mascot at Chi Chi’s?)

I have also played the Full Monty Csardas, but NOT on the BANJO. Check it out: http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Studio/1428/cartel1.jpg

Uninformed Journalists: Jokirinaround posts: “In all your infinite wisdom you haven't figured this one out. There is a very good reason(s) for the intentional mis-spelling. Therefore the correct spelling for the word Rroma”.

TCT Answers: You’ve ggot tto bbe kkirin mme.

Unanswered Challenges: It appears that the always-acrid “G String” has been resurrected from the slimy rotting entrails of the now defunct TamburaWeb “sight-less” to challenge TCT. A couple of weeks ago I received a nasty email, wherein the sanctimonious pseudo-scholar unleashed a diatribe of pent up insults upon this columnist and the citizenry of Tamburaland. I won’t waste space with all of his rambling wretchedness, but, true to my commitment to unbiased journalism, I will relate some of his more comprehensible, albe-they, nasty remarks. “Well, I guess the rumors are true. The final trumpet has sounded. The world as we know it has ended. All semblance of literacy, liturgy, logic, and law have disintegrated. Chaos reigns. The apocalypse is upon us. God save our wretched souls. So let me get this straight. Some yo-yo named Velcro has legitimized your pompous putterings by giving you an official forum? A pulpit for your preposterous, pithless pulings? A cathedra from which to cluck your calumnious “columentaries”? On a real web site? On planet Earth?” He goes on to say: “And judging from your meandering disclaimer (it looks like the home page of a porn site) and your acrid “Public Apology” (a real journalist never recants, you pussy), you’ve already managed to profoundly piss off at least one of those Milquetoasts.”

Unsolicited Fan Mail: am says of What’s in a Name part duexxx: “That was awesome. Pure reading enjoyment!!!”

Unfulfilled Fantasies: 2 Chicks wrapped in a Croatian Flag. Mozda za Croatian Independence Day. Hvala to Buco and JLo. Just one thing JLo, I think you billed the evening wrong. You posted “Intermission will feature two Croatian actresses performing live lesbian acts”. I think that Bob and Boris were the Intermission.

Unreturned Phone Calls: Too numerous to mention.

TCT Answers: Sorry.

The currently Un-Curious (but Loose) Tamburas

5.18.2002

Elvis Sighting at Brodfest

A story has come into the newsroom of the Tambura World News that there has been a sighting of the presumed dead American “King of Rock and Roll” in, of all places, Slavonski Brod ! After being cornered by a crush of reporters with Suspicious Minds, the hunk of Burning Love, dressed in leather pants, said that he was in Slavonski Brod with a group from America named Boduli. They were staying at the Heatbreak Hotel. He explained that the Chicago based tambura group was made up of boys from In The Ghetto. “Don’t you step on my Blue Suede Shoes”, the diminutive Hound Dog barked at reporters as they moved in closer for a chance to interview the King. In response to questions as to why he accompanied the touring tambura band, he described himself as the band’s Good Luck Charm who had always encouraged them to Follow That Dream. He recounted stories about how he had told them, “It’s a Matter of Time before you’ll be asked perform at Brodfest, as long as you do it My Way”. When they got the letter in the mail, he asked: “Should I open it or just write upon it Return To Sender?” Dave Strahonoski, in an unusual display of emotion, trembled and told the GrliMan, “I Really Don’t Want to Know.” The would-be Elvis remarked, “Now and Then There’s A Fool Such As I” and tore open the envelope. Upon receiving the invitation, JLo said to the boys, “It’s Now or Never”. All agreed, quit their minimum wage jobs, and headed to Hrvatska in search of tambura fame and fortune.

He said he’s noticed that, since they’ve been there, the Croatian curice Can’t Help Falling In Love with the boys. “Some of them look pretty young and we certainly wouldn’t want to be doing the Jailhouse Rock” he quipped. Sensing that he had the female reporters in the crowd just as where wanted them, All Shook Up, he reeled off his collection of pick up lines: Are You Lonesome Tonight?, come on baby, Don’t Be Cruel, Love Me Tender. Let Me Be Your Teddy Bear. He concluded the interview by saying to the reporters, “Thank you, thank you very much” and quickly exited the area with an ingénue journalist named Jurica, who apparently had taken the bait. "Good catch" for the GrliMan.

TCT - reporter for the Tambura World News.

BTW - Can you count the number of Elvis hits in the news story? The winner gets to spend a weekend out of the country in the country with the GrliMan. (Didn't think I'd use it, did you, JK?)

5.16.2002

What’s in a Name (part 3)

Just what the hell is Tamburitza Rroma?

I’ve been posting columntaries now on a regular basis and quite often I find readers questioning TCT. Questions like: Who am I? What makes me an expert on tambura? What came first the snare drum or the kontra?

Well, at least, my columntaries are, for the most part, in English or Croatian or Shakespeare or some “jive talkin” tambura slang that I’ve been accused of using.

But, The “Omniscient” CT, himself/herself, has been stumped by a name that I’ve seen on the Tamburaland page – Tamburitza Rroma. Just what does that mean? Not being of the Gypsy persuasion myself, (although I have to admit to having been persuaded by Gypsies on a couple of occasions) I can’t figure out if it’s a misssspelling that somehow keeps getting by the crack Tamburaland editorial staff or it’s really sspelled that way. If that’s the correct sspelling, then how do you pronounce it?

I dragged out my handy international pronunciation guide and looked it up, but, alas, I could not find Rroma anywhere. I proceeded to the section where I could find guidance on how to pronounce consonant combinations used in words not found in the guide. This is where I found information on vowels and “sometime vowels” like “y” in English or the “r” in Croatian and some other Slavic languages. You know – it’s the “old” vowel list in English “a, e, i, o, u and sometimes y”. I have to admit that I did avoid African languages with all their clicks and Tagalog with its diphthongs. But if you’re interested, click on: http://www.speaktagalog.com/

So applying the “and sometimes r” rule of a Croatian word like rdav, (the d has that line through it like a cross and is pronounced like the English “j” in jam) to Rroma, I then tried to pronounce the word and came up with “Aroma”. Now just what is the aroma of a tambura? The fragrance, smell, scent, odor? Well, odor is stench or stink. Do these guys stink or does their playing stink? (just kirin around)

I can’t figure it out. I guess that I’ll just have to go the Tamburitza Extravaganza in New Orleans the weekend of September 5th to the 8th and find out. Meet me there. I’ll be at the bar in the Marriott http://www.marriott.com/epp/dining.asp?MarshaCode=MSYLA trying to catch the Rroma of Tambura.

If you would seriously like to find out something about the history and culture of Rroma, then please visit these sites or call Jjoe Kkirrinn: (Hey, his email’s even got that double consonant kind of thing going on – see jkkirin@tamburaland.com.)

http://www.rroma.org/Rroma/rroma-whoarethey.html http://www.religioustolerance.org/roma.htm
http://www.unionromani.org/puebloin.htm

In a sequel to the ongoing saga of Mr. K trying to find himself, rrumor has it that Joekirinaround is working on a solo album entitled “Just Kirin”.

And looking into my crystal ball, I predict that in 2003, the Gypsy King, “himselves”, will hook up with Gypsy Tambura Jazz Saxist, Rr Kirin and Chicago Sin, Steve Kirin and form yet another new band using the moniker “Bre!-Kirini”

“Tthe Ccurious Ttamburras” Ssorry ffor tthe sspelling !!!!!

5.10.2002

What’s in a Name ? (part deuxxx)

“To be, or not to be, that is the question”. (To be or not to be what?, you ask.) To be The Curious Tamburas or not to be The Curious Tamburas. Should The Curious Tamburas change his/her name?

It seems that Hrvoje thinks I should change my name.

In another quote from his post of 4-22-02, Hrvoje says: “I'm reading your column, TCT, and I think that you should change your name, because your column is pretty anti-tambura and I don't think you deserve to call yourself The Curious Tamburas... The Curious something, but not The Curious Tamburas”...

I can never really agree with anyone who posts here, it just wouldn’t be right, but I did give some thought to changing my name. Since Hrvoje thinks that my “column is pretty anti-tambura”, what about “The Anti-Tamburas”? Then again, since I’m always asking questions, it could be “The Inquisitive Tamburas”. When I think about it, my initials would be TAT with Hrvoje’s implied suggestion and TIT, if I went with my suggestion. If I were to change my name I think I’d prefer to use “The Inquisitive Tamburas”, that way it would be like a “TIT for TAT” arrangement. You know, I’d take “TIT” any day over TAT. Now if I could only figure out a way to include a “W” word like “Wise” in Hrvoje’s suggestion, my new name could be “The Wise Anti-Tamburas”. Come to think of it, I’m sure I like “TWAT” better.

I’m sure that “The Always Curious Tamburas” would fit. I’m not particularly known for my “TACT”. OK, before any of you start, I won’t use “TWIT”. A name like “The Wise Inquisitive Tamburas” would be a non sequitur.

BTW - ”The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.”

(As You Like It V.i. 30-31) More Shakespeare.

The Curious “Something” according to Hrvoje.

5.7.2002

What about what I said?

A belated happy Cinco de Mayo to all you Latino fans.

It’s seems as though there has been a rash of rash posts concerning my columntary on May 1, 2002. (BTW, I forgot to wish all the labour force a happy May Day.)

As an unbiased journalist, and in keeping with my established policy of giving my critics and detractors a voice (albeit, sotto voce) in this column, I have decided to answer the questions posed on the message board under the topic “Curious Identity”.

Arbi,

If you don’t believe me about 8601, check out the ISO (International Standards Organization) website. The address is http://www.iso.ch/iso/en/ISOOnline.frontpage. You’ll find a reference to the “standard”.

Like reading Shakespeare, Arbi? Not exactly – it’s more like “Reading is Fun(damental)”. Try this on for Shakespeare: “All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts,….”

“I say there is no darkness but ignorance.” Now that’s Shakespeare, Arbi.

Hey JayLo,

TCT would never wear leather pants. It’s green tights with question marks. Haven’t you seen my picture?

BTW, Riddle me this BatLeno: When is playing tambura illegal? Any guesses?

When it’s “Kontra-band”.

Ooh, oooooohhh, Arbi, THAT’S IT, my tambura group’s name is “KontraBand”. Think of it - 5 or 6 guys all playing Kontrasice. It would be like a snare drum marching band – "Hrvoje Heaven".

Joekirinaround says that I’m a zygote. “Hence we are left with why his/her identity is so difficult (to discern).” Say it ain’t so Joe. Actually, I have evolved into a full blown “chicken”. Check out an earlier columntary.

am asks: What was that (the article) all about?

TCT says: “It’s all about the game…and how you play it….It’s all about control….and how you can take it………..I AM THE GAME !!!!!!”

“Though this be madness, yet, there is method in it.” (Hamlet II.ii. 205-206) Guess Who ??

EXTRA: Find TCT's True Identity. Uncover The TRUTH About ANYONE! http://www.intelligentinvestigator.com/

The Mad Yet Methodically Curious Tamburas

5.3.2002
Hrvoje attempts to “snare” TCT

In Hrvoje’s post of 4-22-02, he poses “A question for the omniscient TCT: What was first - kontra or the snare drum? I would paraphrase your statement and say that the snare drum is the pop-rock equivalent of the kontra”...

Not wanting to ignore Hrvoje's post and his interesting question, I decided to take it seriously. Drawing a parallel between Hrvoje’s question and the age-old question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?, I spent many long seconds pondering his hypothesis. Following are the conclusions I have drawn, which include the findings of my research.

In nature, living things evolve through changes in their DNA. In an animal like a chicken, DNA from a male sperm cell and a female ovum meet and combine to form a zygote -- the first cell of a new baby chicken. This first cell divides innumerable times to form all of the cells of the complete animal. In any animal, every cell contains exactly the same DNA, and that DNA comes from the zygote.

Chickens evolved from non-chickens through small changes caused by the mixing of male and female DNA or by mutations to the DNA that produced the zygote. These changes and mutations only have an effect at the point where a new zygote is created. That is, two non-chickens mated and the DNA in their new zygote contained the mutation(s) that produced the first true chicken. That one zygote cell divided to produce the first true chicken.

Prior to that first true chicken zygote, there were only non-chickens. The zygote cell is the only place where DNA mutations could produce a new animal, and the zygote cell is housed in the chicken's egg. So, the egg must have come first.

Applying this scientific logic to Hrvoje’s question, one must deduce that:

1) prior to snare drums there were only non-snare drums.

2) snare drums evolved from non-snare drums.

3) since the first evidence of what we know as a snare drum appears later in history than the first evidence of tambura, namely the kontra, then the kontra came first.

4) and since as Hrvoje says in his arguement, “the snare drum is the pop-rock equivalent of the kontra..."

5) then, as Hrvoje also says, “So, the logical step, according to you (meaning TCT), is adding drums to tambura bands and since the snare drum and the kontra are practically the one and the same, throw out the kontra.”

Hrvoje, It’s nice to see that you agree with me.

The Curious yet "Evolved" Tamburas

Many tambura lovers have been puzzled by the name “8601”. I am not.

Those of you who, like myself, are technological, political and literary genii, (geniuses for those of you who aren’t) are aware of the now generally accepted international standard for date format, ISO 8601, and understand its applications and “implications”. I shall proceed to enlighten those readers sadly uninformed of the aforementioned.

In this age of international communication, the need for an ordered information exchange is evident. However, the transformation from the unique features and idioms inherent in each world language to a system that reduces every communication to an encoded numerical sequence leaves me wondering if the previously heralded “New World Order” isn’t, in fact, becoming a frightening reality.

We are witnessing the emergence of a new world order consisting of global markets and international institutions in which sovereignty has taken a new form, composed of a series of national and supranational organisms united under a single logic of rule. This new global form of sovereignty is what we call Empire.

The “New World Order” is a World Government system that replaces national governments. This One World Government is controlled globally through the U.N. and on a European level through the E.C. On the global level, power is increasingly being delegated upwards to the U.N. As this power shift continues, national governments progressively take on the function of local administrations of the One World Government, and cease to be the independent sovereign powers that they once were.

ISO 8601 has already been adopted as European Standard EN 28601 and is, therefore, now a valid standard in all European Union countries, and all conflicting national standards have been changed accordingly.

In determining the origin of the 8601 “name”, I have uncovered the fiendish plot that the Grliman, who cleverly disguises himself as BatLeno, (we all know that he’s not really BatLeno), has hatched.

In transforming a name to a numerical representation, the Grliman, is introducing the concept to the world of tambura. Gone from the Lexicon of Tambura Bands will be names like: Becari (from whatever city), Cigani (both real and imagined), Dunav (of South Chicago, of Pittsburgh, of Anyplace) Jorgovan, Lira (even if it is a now-worthless currency – or has it always been worthless), Orao, Boduli, Tri Pajdasa (even if they’re 2 pajdasi short) Plavi (Whatever), Veseli, Veseli Becari, Veseli Seljaci, Vesele Zice, and the numerous Brothers orchestras (even if they’re not brothers).

Call To Action

Now the TAA has invited “8601” to the Extravaganza in New Orleans. Is the governing body of the “Association” not capable of seeing through this dastardly scheme? Fellow tamburasi, guard your band names, do not trade them in for a string of integers encoded in 64-bit “language” format. Do not permit your band to be branded with the mark of the beast. (You'll have to check out the Bible or "The 700 Club" for this one.)

This will not be an easy battle to win. I am imploring all tambura lovers to meet me in the Big Easy, on the weekend after the American labour day. That's Thursday, September 5th through Sunday, September 8th at the Marriott in the French Quarter. Visit the TAA website (if you dare) for details.

The Curious (but not digitized) Tamburas

4.22.2002

With all of the new programs that “King Velko I” (the 1st) is initiating for the citizenry of Tamburaland, such as “The Artist of the Month” I think, (If I may be so bold) that there are several areas that his Royal “Tambura”ness has missed. Being the socially and environmentally conscious person that I am, I suggest that he honour the “Tambura Recycler” of the month. He can honour both tamburasi and groups who are promoting recycling. And with all of the post-consumer product that we’ll be recycling, we’ll do an even greater service to the world than what our current efforts at preserving tambura are doing. (Well, I guess I’ll leave the judgement of that to the beholder). Also, think of all the trees we’ll save by not writing new tambura music and all the gigabytes we’ll save not posting new music and lyrics to the website.

I guess it’s going to be somewhat difficult to determine what criteria to use. But as I read the posts, both pro and con, on Baruni recycling that old Bogdan/Balaz song, some ideas came to my demented mind.

Some of the selection criteria or categories could be: 1) which recycled songs have enjoyed the greatest success; 2) which bands have recycled songs the best; 3) which band names have been the most recycled; 4) which bands have recycled tamburasi the best; and 5) which tamburasi have been recycled the most. Think of it - someday, I could be in the “Tambura Recyclers’ Hall of Fame” – (I know I’ll never make it to the “real” HOF).

I have some nominations of my own, of course, but, being the considerate and sensitive person that I am, I’ll keep them to myself (for the time being). I wouldn’t want to hurt any American tambura bands’ feelings, so I guess that I’ll just have to participate in “Baruni Bashing” like the rest of the poster children here. I’ve listened to some Baruni stuff and it’s really quite uninspired, and consequently, uninspiring (in spite of all the Croatian hero stuff).

And speaking of the alleged innovations of Baruni and all those other “evolutionary” bands in Hrvatska - I say that’s a “bunch o’ bunk”. There were “tambura” bands 30 years ago in America pushing “the envelope on the evolution of tambura”, and if it wasn’t for the war in Croatia, (sorry, I don’t mean to be political, your majesty) “tambura” would already be dead in Hrvatska. These guys must have picked up some old 8-tracks at the tambura flee market. And don’t try to use “revolutionary” either. I think that the proper term would be “re-evolutionary”.

And, with the “world’s best tamburas” (just read the articles from the Croatian press that have been reprinted in the “Z”) having been born and living in the diaspora (i.e. America), the homelanders aren’t setting the preservation pace either. I guess that why NHT can’t use the name Najibolji “Svijetski” Tamburasi. (Talking about the Croatian press; Hey, when’s the last time anyone cared enough to write down what Jerry said? (or should I say understood enough?))

Hey, if tambura hadn’t evolved, we’d all still be trying to beat music out of a dangubica, (or is it “dungubica”?). No wonder those guys played alone. As for adding drums, that’s just the next logical step. What’s the bugarija or kontra anyways, if not a box with some wire coils strung over it that someone beats on to keep the rhythm. It’s the tambura equivalent of a snare drum. (Sorry dp, Leno, Danny, Greg, Rich, Nick, Neb, Libby, Mike, John, Chip, Ivo, Phill, Honey, Dennis, Charlie, Bob, King Velko, and any other snare drummers, oops, I mean bugarija or kontra players.) Actually, if you read the new prescription for tambura bands, you’ll see that the bugarija is “kontra-indicated”. Now here I go pissing off the pharmacists in the crowd.

All of that said, I personally have no problem with bands like Baruni or Gazde including electric instruments and drums or even entire symphonic orchestral backgrounds in their recordings. There’s a totally different standard that people generally apply when listening to a recording as opposed to a live performance. To get me to listen to something over and over again, I either have to continue to discover new and interesting nuances in the music, or I have to be totally inebriated.

I’ll close with, “damn that Skoro guy!!! – who does he think he is using all those drums and guitars and keyboards?” By the way, who’s playing the tambure?

The (temporarily) new and improved, but still Curious, Tamburas.

4.8.2002

Public Apology
I am not here to make friends with anyone, and I guess that I’m doing a good job of that, but it is not, and has never been, my intention to insult or smear anyone’s family. In a recent column, I made an off hand remark that was part of a glowing review of a band’s performance at the 2001 Extravaganza. The remark was taken as a personal insult and an attack on a fine family that is well respected in their own community and in the tambura world. This respect is well deserved for they are good and considerate people, and extremely talented. My comments are “tongue in cheek” and, for the most part, not intended to be offensive. I realize that I had inadvertently crossed that line and for that, I offered my sincere apologies via email to the offended party, and instructed the webmajstor to remove all vestiges of it from the site.

Proviso

Hey, I have nothing against older tamburasi. They’ve laid the foundation and provided us all with great music and memories. That said, I will not temper my remarks about the performances of any tamburasi. Musicians, no matter what their age, who can’t stand criticism, need to get off stage. Hey, I’ve been with some of these “old” tamburasi, you know, the ones over 30, and they can dish it out, as well as take it.

Now I have received word that some one else feels compelled to attempt to “put a muzzle” on me. Now I’m really Curious! Don’t these people have anything more important in their lives to worry about than what some punk like myself writes on a site like tamburaland? I have a question. "Can you say satire? I thought you could". Listen boys and girls. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. GET A LIFE. It seems as though some do-gooders are now the self appointed defenders of “all that is good and righteous” about tambura. Hey, tambura is fun, not life or death. Some people take themselves much too seriously. I don’t think you’ll find anyone more self-critical or self-effacing than me.

I’d be willing to bet that the bulk of the readership of websites like this is comprised of the very audience you’re trying to target in your recruiting efforts to the “tambura movement”. Actually, young punks like me are doing more to promote and promulgate tambura to young people than all of the testimonials you can hold or bylaws you can write. If you can open your eyes wide enough, you’ve got to realize that young people don’t want to read some tired old “feel good” article in the newspaper of some dying fraternal society. That’s why they’re on the internet and visiting this site.

I, myself, am not easily insulted and I won’t refrain from participation in the banter abounding on this site in order to spare myself from the painful barbs cast in my direction. I reserve the right to have and state my opinions about the what’s going on with tambura music or the purveyors of this music or any of the cast of characters who post on this site. I think that we are all subject to that type of scrutiny (or harassment as some might see it).

As I view the Editorial Cartoons published in a northern Ohio town’s newspaper, I’m curious. Has the editorial staff taken into account the feelings of the subjects of their biting commentary?

Why remain anonymous, you continue to ask? Well, as a student of Shakespeare, I will also take the liberty to paraphrase his writing and impart an old aphorism by saying: “Discretion is the better part of valor, in which, the better part, I have saved my life.”

Just as discretion is the better part of valor‚ so is cowardice the better part of discretion. Then, it only stands to reason that cowardice is the better part of valor. Therefore, if cowardice is the better part of valor, and running away the better part of discretion, then I plan on being one of the most valiant men I know.

Now that I’ve cleared that up, I invite any poster child here to challenge me to a duel to the death (Death on my terms, of course. I hate the sight of blood – especially my own – so we shall participate in a verbal joust. [Of course – I won’t play fair – would you have expected that?]) See if you can knock me off my pedestal (or is that petty-stool?). If you succeed in your futile quest, then I will send my minion to kiss your ass publicly. In case you’re wondering what a minion is, it’s generally someone from the rhythm section.

As such, I remain, The Curious Tamburas.

4.2.2002

BatLeno Scooped (or is it Duped?) by The Curious Tamburas

In a visit to the Tamburaland Message Board, it appears that BatLeno (who is really JoeLeno in disguise, who is really the Grliman in disguise, who is really Elvis in disguise) has expressed concern about Tambura World News sources and the reliability of the information published. In a direct quote from the post, the Grliman asks: “how is it that you know so much about what’s going on in Trubland and Skrseniglasland? Who is your source, and what the hell is going on with the Trubs? Is the “boy wonder drummer” Ivek really fired?” In response, I must maintain the confidentiality of my sources, just as any true journalist would. And I stand by the reliability of the information I print – do you question my integrity?

TWN (Tambura World News) has been able to establish contact with an unnamed source, who has released further news about the previously reported Trub / Skrseni Glas “trades” and has actually elaborated on the earlier story.

Speaking on a condition of anonymity, Coric said that his plans actually revolved around “a merger between the Trubs” and Coric’s other tamburabusiness interests – namely Skrseni Glas, the now-defunct Plava Ponoc, and Brookfield’s own Veseli. It appears that Coric is trying to position himself against the “Zip Code Boys” in what looks like an attempt to capture the lucrative northeast corridor tambura market. Coric, who is known for his somewhat “de-tuned” schemes, has also been in contact with ex-Slaninari, Joe Modrich (with the Modrich clan Coric must be looking for built in roadies), John “Mus” McKennas and “no kirin” the Golden Boy himself, JKA (Joekirinaround). It can only be assumed that the main thrust of this Coric initiative would be to make inroads into the Midwest by mounting a full frontal attack against “The Boys of Summer”.

There does seem to be a promise of high-energy excitement in store. In some pre-publicity copy that happened to fall into my hands, Coric touts what he believes to be an all-star cache of musicians. In the tradition of the multi-rhythmic supergroups of the 70s, the lineup includes "Misko" on kontra, Mark Husnick on bugarija (replacing drums) and Kruljac on guitar. Bassists include Cubelic on first, Zivic on second and Coric himself on third. However, having seen Coric play before, I can’t imagine him making it to third base (oops, I mean Bass). And with the choral capabilities of songsters like Freddy Husnick and Ronny Rendulic, I can’t imagine more acrobatic vocal arrangements. Man, it’s enough to blow your hair off.

In conclusion, it is apparent that BatLeno has, once again, been scooped, or is it duped by TCT. As we all know, April 1st is commonly referred to as April Fool’s Day. Come to think of it, there’s a picture of “Leno” on my calendar, right at the beginning of the month.

4.1.2002

TAMBURA WORLD NEWS

April 1, 2002

Trubaduri Unplugs !!! – Skrseni Glas relations now Strained.

With the news that their blowhard sax man, Russ Kirin, has found greener pastures in Indiana, disco-tambura band Trubaduri has fired Ivan, “Boy Drummer”, thrown away their keyboards and recalled tambura berdas Ron “Kruno” Zivic from Cleveland, in a move to return to their all-acoustic roots. In an exclusive interview, the former sax man told TWN “hey, all kirin aside, the drive from the corn belt state was starting to take its tolls on me”.

Skrseni Glas, front man, Ivo Coric was unavailable for comment on the Zivic defection, but sources close to him said they had noticed that the relationship between Coric and Zivic had become increasingly “strained” since Buntic had bolted. Word is that Coric was considering making his second move (in almost as many months) but then decided to make a call to Chuck Cubelic and has asked him to “strap on some leather” in an effort to transition the seemingly “now available” bass player from the Trubs into a tambura bass man. When questioned as to whether there was any possibility of him returning to the Trubs at any time in the future, Cubelic was quoted as saying “Sure, once in a “Blue Moon”. It looks as though these two bands may go full circle.

Looks like the only ex-Trub not mentioned in the equation to this point is the Chicago based songster, John “Mus” McKennas. Having been seen on the west coast recently, in the company of the Yeseta brothers, it doesn’t seem likely that he’ll head back too far east. When TWN questioned him about the latest Trub developments, he said “you know, I just got tired of Shebetich lighting his brac on fire, and I really think that Kruljac sold out when he put his 7 string 4 tone D bugarija down and picked up a guitar”.

3.25.2002

I find it “just a wee bit” ironic that “seksapel” – Mali Tamburas Member #21 – would attempt to lambaste “The Curious Tamburas” for “the luxury of being able to hide from his statements because of his aninimity”. I’m sure that I could certainly reveal myself the way he/she has by perhaps becoming Mali Tamburas Member #57 or some subsequent number.

Unlike those of “cg” from Chicago, “SRVT” from Mississauga, “mpuljic” from the Midwest who links his homepage, “Pero Pavlovich” from Detroit and our dear administrator, Mr. Delmar, who mysteriously signs his posts “Vjeko”, the profile for “seksapel” guarantees anonymity from all but the administrator and his “Inspektor”. And with 33 “registered members” of Tamburaland at this writing, I see that we’re not alone. (Of course, everyone knows Joekirinaround and JoeLeno – they’re too immodest to be anonymous.)

Yes, I am anonymous, but I do not hide from my statements - they reveal me in a way that no other persons on this board or any other tambura board has revealed themselves. Just look through the mask and you will see. The secret identities of all superheroes are quite easy to discover, if you really take a good look at them. Did not Lois Lane truly know in her heart that Clark Kent was Superman? Could no one in Gotham City see that Batman was (no, not the GrliMan) millionaire Bruce Wayne? How did the wealthy landowner Don Alejandro de la Vega not recognize that Zorro was his own son, the handsome and dashing Don Diego?

If I were to be identified in this forum, I would just have to use my “not so magical” powers to make you forget who I am, just like Superman did after he kissed Lois Lane. Why is it that the superhero never gets the girl? I must remain anonymous so that I can continue to protect the citizens of Tamburaland and spread the truth. To paraphrase a popular song, (sorry - not tambura): “I’m only a man in funny green tights”.

Regarding your statements about my knowledge of tambura or expertise, please challenge me about anything that I’ve posted. I’ll be glad to respond. If you take issue to something that I’ve said, assassinate me if you wish, even anonymous people bleed. If I had offended you, I’d apologize and retract my statement, if I knew who you were. Remember, the webmajstor has arranged for you to email me directly at the Tamburaland main office. Just write to tct@tamburaland.com

By the way, I just noticed that everyone on the Tamburaland message board seems to be related – each one is a Mali Tamburas (except Velko).

3.15.2002

THE CURIOUS TAMBURAS "RENO"GANZA PREDICTIONS SCORECARD

TCT Prediction #1: 2 members of Boduli will run away and join the Circus Circus. TCT Review: I'm sure I saw Steve Ovanin lifting up a couple of curice clad in only the scantiest of Valpovo costumes as "The Strong Man" over at the Circus. I also thought I heard Pete Naumovski bleating during the goat herders' act. Just kidding guys - One of the more entertaining bands in the break-out rooms - "but you gotta lose those maracas" - BTW - when does the "Tour" roll into my selo?

TCT Prediction #2: The high brow moron G-String will accidentally come in contact with the low bred D-String and that meeting will result in the creation of the highbred 2 tone farkas tambura.
TCT Review: Hey, I think it happened. Isn't that me holding a 2 tone farkas tambura in my publicity pic?

TCT Prediction #3: Trubaduri will actually use a tamburitza in their performance at the "tamburitza extravaganza" - but probably just one. TCT Review: Well, I was right about the Trubaduri - they did use 1 tambura. All in all, their program was very entertaining - nobody can do retro-disco-tambura like the Trubs.

TCT Review: A band that I didn't make any prediction about was Seattle Slew, oops I mean Sinovi. Their "a cappella" opening was stirring, and Nick Jovanovich certainly proved that he could play with the big boys (mostly his dad and uncles), but Johnny, next time bring a cheat sheet or just sing the wrong verse - no one will notice. My filozofija is: "If you make a mistake, repeat it - right away, and emphasize it !!!!" That way the audience will think that you've done it on purpose.

TCT Prediction #4: Grliman will have recruit so many tamburasi from other bands that 8601will have to apply to the social security administration for permission to use a nine digit number.

TCT Review: I really didn't make a prediction about Oluja, but since the GrliMan is the "front man" for both groups, I thought that I'd go ahead and do my review anyway. I think that Oluja failed to capitalize on the vocal talents of Jenna Riccio. Her solo was nice but I think that the GrliMan missed out on presenting a male-female duet as a part of the program. I think that even the "real" King did a duet or two. TCT Further Review: Believe it or not, 8601 was at the Extravaganza, but as members of 6 other bands. I tell you that those guys have made a real impression on the TAA. The Association has actually penned Article 8601 in their honour. The bylaw states that no musician will be permitted to perform at an Extravaganza as part of more than 2 orchestras. That means that some bands will be decimated. The marquee might wind up with only 3 bands on the bill. Oh, well, there's always the Hall of Fame orchestra.

TCT Prediction #5: The Continental Strings will perform at the wrong hotel, thinking that the Atlantis is actually "The Lost Continent". TCT Review: I guess I almost called it right. Let's just call them the "Lost Continent-als".
TCT Review: I was on my way to the Friday evening Concert when I realized that I was carrying a Prazna Flasa, so I had to return to my room to refill. I wanted to be there for all of the performances to show Jedinstvo with my fellow tamburasi, but I figured, what the hell, they're nothing but a bunch of Cigani anyway.

TCT Prediction #6: Jerry will be Jerry and that there's no way of predicting what that means. TCT Review: Jerry, as I had predicted, was totally unpredictable. His performance of that Romanian piece was exquisite. It almost made me cry. But the one thing that I couldn't understand was why Velko was holding a conversation with Suco during the entire performance. I've never heard anyone do stuff with the tambura that Jerry does. On the other hand, I've done stuff with the tambura that no one else has ever seen, but I was thinking of posting it on that "sticky brac" site.

TCT Review: Oh, Sarena, Sa-ra-na, Sha-na-na. I've never heard a bunch of old women who didn't "sound like a bunch of old women" before. For me they were the surprise of Ganza. I've always had a soft spot in my heart (or is that head?) for a Dalmatian klapa vocal arrangement, but I thought "only guys could do that".

TCT Prediction #7: Joe Kirin will form yet another incarnation of Slanina by adding jajce i krumpira. TCT Review: Jokirinaround never ceases to amaze me. His Zlatni Momci, aka Gypsy Vagabonds, are the only reason that 8601 couldn't be there - look out GrliMan. By the way, how does he come off writing a column entitled Reflections? - Did you ever see him in a mirror? I think he's a vampire. He sucks the life out of all his band-member victims and then leaves them, returning only when he needs another transfusion.

TCT Review: I think that "The Boys" aka Momci, did a "stand up" job on their American patriotic set, although I didn't predict it. That's right, they got a standing ovation. Just goes to show you that the family who plays together stays together.

TCT Prediction #8: Tom Yeseta will sustain a severe accordion pinch while performing Pozdravi Je Sunce Milo during an after hours set as he's enjoying a Swedish massage at the spa.
TCT Review: As usual, the Brothers Yeseta proved that taking an occasional "Forey" into pirate-infested waters isn't always as dangerous as one might think. - Hmmm - I've been around for a while. Still, the question begs to be asked, "Y B Yeseta?")

TCT Prediction #9: One of the Steelton girls will mistake the craps tables for the Grliman's bathtub. TCT Review: I would have much rather met one of them on the "Come" line than the "Pass" line. It's my Bet that, Odds are you'll have to make your Point the Hard Way.

TCT Review: I'm a bit "Neb"ulous about whether I saw the Becari or Hej Becari programs. I can never get those guys straight. How do call those guys from across a crowded break-out room? I remember shouting something like, "Hey, Becari." Or was it "Hej, Hej Becari"? I can't remember. I guess it was one of those "Sum Junak Moments". Well, I just closed my eyes and the next thing I know, I found myself drifting along the Adriatic.
TCT Review: What can I say about Tony Tamburitza? Quite an interesting instrumental passage. All I have to say to the MuselinMan is: "Don't turn your back on the Gornicks".

TCT Prediction #10: I predict that the Slavonian Traveling Band will have their passports revoked at the California/Nevada border.
TCT Review: Alas, the border patrol failed in its mission; however, The Slavonian Traveling Band is literally going nowhere - FAST- Hey man, what do you expect? - they're from Berkeley.

TCT Prediction #11: I'll be watching/listening and I predict that I'll post some spirited reviews of any "less than extravagant" performances, both on and off stage (you know, where Sum Junak thinks all the drunken morons are).
TCT Review: Hey, some of my best friends are drunken morons.

TCT Prediction #12: I predict that I will be there in all my extravagant curiousity, tambura lovers. TCT Review: Anyone still think I wasn't there?

3.13.2002

Dave's Sentence of Croatian Words

I know that macka put Dave on the spot, when she asked him to put together a sentence using all of the Croatian words that the mladi djecak has learned. Well, I know that Dave's been busy traveling with the Tammies and probably hasn't had time to work on the assignment, so I figured, "This sounds like a job for The Curious Tamburas".

My first challenge in constructing a sentence from this collection of words is that Dave is learning only nouns and adjectives - no verbs (well, just 1 that he just added). My second challenge is that it will be quite difficult to construct a sentence that uses a number of words that seemingly have no business being in the same paragraph together, let alone the same sentence. That said, I will expand the assignment of writing a sentence to that of writing a paragraph, not that it will help. My other challenge is that since I'm not fluent in the jezik myself, I'm sure that I will not use the correct endings as required by the context of the story. Therefore, it's going to be like the slijepi leading the slijepi, so this is going to be funnier than I thought.

The other thing is that because I need to write a story that incorporates all of Dave's words from his list, I might need to use some additional words that Dave can add to his vocabulary. Dave's challenge will be to learn the meaning of these rijeci and attempt to educate all of the other non-Croatian-speaking poster boys and girls who visit this site. You must remember that the Croatian characters are not included in the words that I've used. Also, I will italicize any of Dave's words as I use them for the first time or any words that I add to Dave's vocabulary.

OK, Here goes !! I shall entitle the story, Dave's Croatian Dream

Once upon a time, a stari lovac was walking through the forest. Having gotten stones in his sandale, the lovac sat down at the base of a javor to rest and shake them out. Being gladan, the stari lovac decided to eat rucak and reached into his backpack to retrieve some food that he had brought along with him. Inside he found some kobasica, a krumpir and a lopta that he had thought was a luk when he packed for the long putovanje. He gathered a few pieces of drvo that he needed to build a vatra. He used his lopata to dig a small hole to contain the vatra, but he could not find his novi lighter to start the fire. He remembered that he had left it next to the pepeljara at the kafic in the last selo. Stari lovac realized that he should not go into a panika, but instead, he tried to think about what else he could use to start a fire. As he removed his sesir to scratch his glava, the extra trzalica that he kept in the band fell to the ground. Just then it occurred to him that, with as much friction that he made with his trzalica on his zice, he could surely start a fire by rubbing his trzalica against a piece of drvo. He remembered how he could always smell dim when he played his basprim. Soon he was eating like a kralj. The stari lovac became zedan, and reached for his boca, but having no pivo to drink, he realized that he would need (to) piti vodu. After eating, the lovac looked up into the nebo and saw that the sunce had set and the zvijezde were starting to appear. "Zivot je dobar", he thought as he sang a pjesma. Soon he was drifting off (to) sanjati and was dreaming a beautiful san. While in his lijepi san he could hear a low growling voice saying "Bok, prijatelj". As he awoke he was eaten by a radoznali medvjed.
The End.

3.11.2002

Hey, Tamburas - You say that "BatLeno" is victorious? Well, Riddle Me This,
Tamburas, "What's this fixation that BatLeno has with shit?" Just look at
this guy's picture. It looks like he's trying to "drop a dud" in the tub.

I know that Tumbas asked me about the Tamburitza Extravaganza way back on
February 22nd. And as for Arby, well as soon as I had his post translated,
I thought that I'd better answer it (He's a friend of the GrliMan, you
know). Hey, where's Sum Guy Who Can Spell when you need him? I'm Curious.

Before I give you my comments about the Extravaganza (or Reno Ganza, as my
alter ego, Skaro, says), I think it's only right to ask Commissioner Delmar
to reprint The Curious Tamburas' Extravaganza Predictions as I had posted on
the now "Closed Until Further Notice" TamburaWeb.

I predict that 2 members of Boduli will run away and join the Circus Circus.

I predict that the high brow moron G-String will accidently come in contact
with the low bred D-String and that the result will be the creation of the
hibrid 2 tone farkas tambura.

I predict that the Slavonian Traveling Band will have their passports
revoked at the California/Nevada border.

I predict that Trubaduri will actually use a tamburitza in their performance
at the "tamburitza
extravaganza" - but probably just one.

I predict that, before the extravaganza is over, the Grliman will have
recruited so many tamburasi from other bands that 8601 will have to apply to
the social security administration for permission to use a nine digit
number.

I predict that the Continentals will perform at the wrong hotel thinking
that the Atlantis is actually "The Lost Continent".

I predict that Jerry will be Jerry and that there's no way of predicting
what that means.

I predict that Joe Kirin will form yet another incarnation of Slanina by
adding jajce i krumpira.

I predict that Tom Yeseta will sustain a severe accordion pinch while
performing Pozdravi Je Sunce Milo during an after hours set as he's enjoying
a Swedish massage at the spa.

I predict that one of the Steelton girls will mistake the craps tables for
the Grliman's bathtub.

I predict that I will be there in all my extravagant curiousity, tambura
lovers.

I'll be watching/listening and I predict that I'll post some spirited
reviews of any "less than extravagant" performances, both on and off stage
(you know, where Sum Junak thinks all the drunken morons are).

3.5.2002

Zdravo Tamburasi and Tambura Fans.

Not long ago, our Webmajstor, Gosp. Delmar, emailed me to ask if I would be interested in contributing to Tamburaland as a columnist. I got so excited I had to change my "Depends". Playing hard to get, I immediately had my agent contact Mr. Delmar to begin negotiations. Tamburaland management would need to meet certain demands. The Webmajstor had to agree to cover the extremely high costs involved with promotion of the column, including the publicity photos. Did you see my promo? Pretty good picture, huh. He also had to agree to share his "mounting royalties" with me. He knows how I like to mount royalty. He had to agree to provide a free email redirector - something that he has only provided for two other columnists on his site. Also, (and this is the most important) I demanded top billing over Leno. Once the Webmajstor had agreed to these conditions, How could I refuse?

Before I start my regular 'column'taries, I need to make certain things understood, or as Mr. Delmar states, issue my disclaimers:

#1) I am the foremost Tambura expert who writes for this column.
#2) "The Curious Tamburas" is a registered trademark. The rebroadcast of any part of this column, without
the express, written consent of "The Curious Tamburas" is strictly prohibited.
#3) Any similarity of "The Curious Tamburas" to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
#4) My columntaries, in no way, reflect the opinions of the Webmajstor, except by accident.
#5) Offer void in Illinois, Pennsylvania, the province of Ontario, and any other place where taxed or
prohibited by law.

I'd like to give you some background as to how I became The Curious Tamburas. About a year ago, I replied to a post on the now "Closed Until Further Notice" TamburaWeb. Znam da nije really closed, but it might as well be. There hasn't been anything interesting there since I stopped posting. My post concerned a band who used a pseudonym "8601". (I would never use a pseudonym.) It seems that "8601" had played for the CFU Ski Festival and I became curious as to who or what "8601" was. Through my vast network of sources, I found out that "8601" was a hodgepodge of tamburasi, from all over the States, all searching to belong to something - (hell, anything!). It seemed that they had fallen victim to a predator who apparently preyed upon their dreams of TambuStardom and "picked-up" these naïve tamburasi by placing a seemingly innocent add on TamburaWeb. The web master had become an unsuspecting accomplice to the conspiracy. I determined that the network was hatched in the "Vindy City" and that the now infamous "GrliMan" had to be at the very core of this dastardly scheme. And I'm not "jokirinaround". I took the moral high ground and made a personal vow to expose this vicious plot to develop an underground network to prostitute vulnerable pubescent tamburasi. So I donned my "crime fighter" attire and, ever since, I've been lurking in the dark recesses where I know I'll find these fiendish villains. That was the genesis of "The Curious Tamburas".

And you dear citizens of Tamburaland have my promise as "The Curious Tamburas" that I will fight the never ending battle for "Truth, Justice and the (North)American Way" (Hey, I can't leave out the Canadians like the GrliMan did).